In Defense of Caitlyn Jenner: A Mormon Perspective

Ever since the debut of Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner's Vanity Fair cover I have seen mixed reactions in my social (media) life. There are those commending her for her courage and congratulating her. There are others doing quite the opposite, almost vehemently attacking her.

I have given a lot of thought on whether or not to write a blog post on such a political and religious hot topic. The increasing number of hurtful and ignorant posts written by many members of my own faith has caused me to carefully ponder and compose my thoughts in a way for people to love a little more, judge a little less.

I'll be the first to say that I don't understand the mental process or emotions that Caitlyn (I'm referring to Jenner by female pronouns per her request in the media) has experienced throughout her life. I don't understand it medically. From the gospel side of things-per The Family: A Proclamation to the World; I don't understand. It's not something that I can relate to, and obviously I wouldn't unless it was something I was experiencing as well.

I write not to condone or condemn Jenner's choice to fully transition from a man into a woman. I am here simply to defend her ability to choose. The same ability that we are all given as children of God here on this earth. You may not understand Jenner's decision, you may not agree with her decision. It may make you angry that the media is sensationalizing her story. But none of these things give clemency to ignorance, hate, or cruelty.

Elder Uchtdorf addressed this perfectly:

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

"Stop it!

"It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

"We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed?

"Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?"

Jenner was 10 when she started dressing in women’s clothing. She was “fascinated by it all” but felt “scared to death somebody was going to find out.” Caitlyn kept that secret from everyone save for those who discovered accidentally. She finally told her whole family and the world at the age of 65. I mention this purely to ask those who read this and reflect; How many people do you know that may struggle with this and have not told a soul? How do you think the thoughtless and harsh words being said make them feel?

The greatest people I know are able to have different thoughts and opinions... but for a time and place. They respond to something and someone different that they may disagree with in love, just as the Savior would.

Think before you speak (or type). Love before you judge.

Love,
D-Todd

#I HONOR HIM

Elder Marin J. Ashton taught:

"[The scribes and Pharisees] brought unto Him the woman taken in adultery. These enemies … tried to trick Him. They sat her in the midst as an exhibit, as a sinner, as someone unclean. He didn’t flee from her presence. … She was taken in adultery—in the very act. There was no doubt about her guilt. They were setting Him up in what appeared to be an impossible situation. Moses’s law says to stone her. 'What sayest thou?' [John 8:5] they asked, tempting Him, trapping Him—putting Him in a no-win position.

"Whatever He said, He would be accused of wrongdoing, wrong judgment. They were tempting Him to see if they could get Him to lose His patience and forget who He was. Stoning her would be cruel. Ignoring her would be wrong. … He stooped down and wrote on the ground as though He heard them not (getting their attention and preparing everyone within earshot to be taught). … And while it was silent, they continued asking. I can hear the questions of mischief: 'C’mon, say something. We’ve got you. Are you afraid to answer?' But Jesus was in charge. …

"Jesus lifted up Himself, in humble and meek majesty, and said these most powerful words: 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her' [John 8:7]. A perfect answer from a perfect person.

"Today in our responsibilities, situations, and callings, we need to be reminded of this over and over again. In our dealings with all people, let him who is without sin be the first to criticize or find fault or belittle. … He stooped down and wrote on the ground. They heard what He said. They felt the impact of His silence of spirit while He said nothing. Convicted by their own conscience, they left on their own, not driven away. They went out one by one—not to find stones but to nurse their spiritual wounds.

"He was left alone with the woman. I’m glad that’s recorded. Some of us are inclined to avoid being with those who have fallen. … He said, 'Where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?' [John 8:10]. … Jesus Christ took time to ask and to listen. Oh, if we could do more of that! Our answers would be so easy, so much improved. …

"The woman taken in adultery answered the Lord’s question regarding her accusers by saying, 'No man, Lord.' And then this powerful declaration came: 'Go, and sin no more' [John 8:11]. The Master was teaching in that day and also teaching in this very hour. His great message: despise the sin, but love the sinner. I hope that can give us strength and confidence and a closer relationship to our Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus did not condone adultery. He gave the woman love instead of an authoritative lecture. She and the accusers needed a lesson in love. The situation called for mercy and compassion. How rewarding it is to know that Jesus believed that man is greater than all of his sins. Is it any wonder He was referred to as the 'Good Shepherd'? He loved all of His sheep whether they were strays, hungry, helpless, cold, or lost."

I graduated from BYU-I in April. I loved the time I spent at school and I will forever treasure my memories and experiences there. Graduating though has brought me much relief.

BYU-I is a church sponsored institution, meaning that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints subsidizes costs for those who attend using tithing funds. Tuition is super cheap because of this.

All Church schools have an "Honor Code" that students agree to live by:

Current and former Presidents of BYU-I have made their own unique additions to the Honor Code that are not present at other Church sponsored institutions. The most widely known:

*Curfew
*No shorts or sweats on campus
*No flip-flops
*Fitness center uniform

My very first semester of college I attended BYU in Provo. The only time I ever heard about the Honor Code was during my initial welcome to campus tour on my first day. People aren't encouraged to rat out each other and they aren't all up in each other's business. Students were treated like adults because they were now in college.

On the flip side you have BYU-I. The Honor Code is shoved down your throat multiple times a day. Every. Single. Day. The administration posts propaganda with #I Honor It posters everywhere. Students are encouraged to micromanage each other and report any rule breakers.

This extremely rigid mentality permeates from the administration and has carried over into ecclesiastical leaders who are over the student wards. I've spoken to countless individuals who are good people who just made mistakes but are afraid to go to their bishop because they don't want to be thrown out of school. Put your education in jeopardy or live with guilt for a couple of years? The choices suck. 

Dallin H. Oaks said "To be righteous, an intermediate judgment must be within our stewardship. We should not presume to exercise and act upon judgments that are outside our personal responsibilities. Some time ago I attended an adult Sunday School class in a small town in Utah. The subject was the sacrament, and the class was being taught by the bishop. During class discussion a member asked, 'What if you see an unworthy person partaking of the sacrament? What do you do?' The bishop answered, 'You do nothing. I may need to do something.' That wise answer illustrates my point about stewardship in judging."

It feels like most people fake smiles and pretend to be perfect without a fault or flaw. No one would ever dare admit to making mistakes or being imperfect because that risks exposing that you're human and capable of flaw. Doing dangerous stuff like that could get you sent home. 

"A standard can be unrighteous because it is too harsh—the consequences are too severe for the gravity of the wrong and the needs of the wrongdoer. I remember a conversation with an LDS newspaperwoman who described what happened when she reported that the Prophet Joseph Smith received the golden plates in 1826, a mistake of one year from the actual date of 1827. She said she received about 10 phone calls from outraged Latter-day Saints who would not accept her admission of error and sincere apology and even berated her with abusive language. I wonder if persons who cannot handle an honest mistake without abusing the individual can stand up to having their own mistakes judged by so severe a standard." (Dallin H. Oaks)

Many argue that those who have broken the Honor Code that they've agreed to live by deserve to be thrown out. No one is perfect but the Savior. We all make mistakes. It's outrageous to think that this doctrine is not applicable because the Honor Code is above it. The Honor Code IS NOT doctrine. My allegiance shouldn't be to a code or to a university. It should be to God. #I Honor It, #I Honor Him. 

Moving to Houston and attending my new singles ward was something I approached apprehensively. I didn't know anyone. I would be the newest addition to the ward, one the girls would be deciding if I was worth pursing and guys sizing me up as a threat or not. 

From the get-go everyone I met in my new ward was super friendly and welcoming. People were almost overly nice. In my pessimism I dismissed it as a bunch of fake judgmental Molly Mormons and Peter Priesthoods who had never been through a hard thing in their lives.

As time progressed and allowed me to get to know individuals beyond a superficial level, I've been forced to eat my judgements and see what incredible people surround me.

Unlike Idaho where largely it felt like a facade that people maintained to remain in school, ward members here are genuine saints. I've met and heard stories about a recovering alcoholic, a divorcee, a prodigal son who at one point fronted a heavy metal screamo band, another young man covered in tattoos from a previous life, a worthy priesthood holder who privately struggles with same sex attraction, and a young repentant woman who struggles with the law of chastity.

These wonderful, stalwart, incredible people do not just talk about the gospel, they live it. They know what it means to have and use the atonement. They believe and have faith in the Savior because THEY KNOW HIM from countless hours pleading with him on their knees. No one here is perfect and they don't pretend to be. They all truly love and believe in the gospel and enjoy learning and growing in it. They are all on different stages of the journey of life, but they are all trying to do better and make good choices.

The Church was never supposed to be a building full of perfect people who cannot make mistakes, the Church is meant to have imperfect real people struggling and learning in the gospel together.

Our devotion and faith should be something we do for ourselves because we love the Savior and want to do what's right, not because we feel compelled out of fear.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf addresses all of this perfectly:

"We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents.

"Now, brethren, compared to the perfection of God, we mortals are scarcely more than awkward, faltering toddlers. But our loving Heavenly Father wants us to become more like Him, and, dear brethren, that should be our eternal goal too. God understands that we get there not in an instant but by taking one step at a time.

"I do not believe in a God who would set up rules and commandments only to wait for us to fail so He could punish us. I believe in a Heavenly Father who is loving and caring and who rejoices in our every effort to stand tall and walk toward Him. Even when we stumble, He urges us not to be discouraged—never to give up or flee our allotted field of service—but to take courage, find our faith, and keep trying."

#I Honor It #I Honor Him

Love,
D-Todd

Waiting

When we slip and fall, we can become injured. Our wound if left open and untreated can lead to a nasty infection. The infection can spread and turn a minor injury to a life threatening situation. It becomes necessary to reopen an infected wound, then sanitize and clean it. One must wrap it properly and wait for it to heal. New skin will grow and the wound will be closed though a scar may remain as a reminder of what happened.

In Alma 58, Helaman and his small band of men must obtain the city of Manti from the Lamanites. The problem they encounter is that their small band of men does not have the size or strength to take the city or fight off the thousands of Lamanites who occupy it. If Helaman and his men had a full frontal confrontation with them, they would all be utterly destroyed.

It became "expedient" for Heleman and his men to "wait," so that they could receive strength and provisions from Zarahemla. They waited and waited outside the city of Manti for "the space of many months even until they were about to perish for want of food."

Heleman writes that he did not know why they were to wait, he just knows that they were instructed to by God and they obeyed because they feared for their destruction. In the interim, the Nephites "did pour our our souls in prayer to God," that he would give them strength and deliver them from the Lamanites.

The Lord answered their prayers, though it is important to note he answered them in his own timing. He required them to wait and endure before he responded.

“The Lord put inside these men the will and the power to do what they desired- to begin with a strong resolve and then to see it through. After their prayer was answered, the Nephites went on to secure their liberty.” (Gene R. Cook, Receiving Answers to Our Prayers, 156).

Helaman and his men split into three forces, drawing out the entire army of the Lamanites occupying Manti save for a few guards. While the Lamanites rested in their pursuit of the Nephites, Helaman back tracked and pushed his men to march through the night, that they might take the city by "another way."

Helaman's men entered the mostly empty city of Manti. The guards were quickly disarmed and by "stratagem" the city of Manti was taken without bloodshed. 

When I was younger and I would listen to my mom read the war chapters of the Book of Mormon, I never really understood why they were included as scriptures. The scriptures are supposed be spiritual and boring right?

What I've come to understand many years later is the importance of chapters such as Alma 58. Helaman was fighting a physical war with his men against the Lamanites, while we are all fighting a spiritual warfare against Satan today.

At times because of our choices in life, we must wait and take another way than originally planned. It can be devastating, frustrating, and painful. Sincere prayer, repentance, and a building up of strength are required in our return to be where we need to be. We must listen so that we do not go or do anything before we are ready and end up destroyed.

From April to June 1828, Martin Harris acted as Joseph Smith's scribe as the Prophet dictated the manuscript using the Urim and Thummim. By the middle of June, Joseph had dictated about 116 manuscript pages of text.

Martin Harris continued to have doubts about the authenticity of the manuscript, and he "could not forget his wife's skepticism or the hostile queries of Palmyra's tavern crowd." Joseph's mother, Lucy, "said that Martin asked Joseph for a look at the plates, for 'a further witness of their actual existence and that he might be better able to give a reason for the hope that was within him.' When that request was denied, he asked about the manuscript. Could he at least take it home to reassure his wife?” After denying his request twice, Joseph, with a great deal of uneasiness, said that the Lord had given permission, and he allowed Martin to take the manuscript pages back to Palmyra on condition that he show them to only five named family members. He even made Martin bind himself in a solemn oath.

When Martin returned home, he showed the manuscript to his wife, who allowed him to lock them in her bureau. Martin then showed the pages not only to the named relatives but "to any friend who came along." The manuscript then disappeared.

Shortly after Martin left Harmony, Emma Smith gave birth to Joseph's firstborn son, who was "very much deformed" and died less than a day after delivery. Emma nearly died herself, and Joseph tended her for two weeks. As she slowly gained strength, Joseph left her in the care of her mother and went back to Palmyra in search of Martin and the manuscript.

The following day Martin was dragged into the Smith family home in distress and without the pages. Joseph urged Martin to search his house again, but Martin told him he had already ripped open beds and pillows. Joseph moaned, "Oh, my God!… All is lost! All is lost! What shall I do? I have sinned—it is I who tempted the wrath of God".

After returning to Harmony without Martin, Joseph dictated to Emma his first written revelation, which both rebuked him and denounced Martin Harris as "a wicked man." Nevertheless, the revelation assured Joseph that if he was penitent, the interpreters would be returned to him during his annual visit with Moroni on September 22, 1828, and he would regain his ability to translate.

Between the loss of the pages during the summer of 1828 and the rapid completion of the Book of Mormon in the spring of 1829, there was a period of quiescence as the prophet waited "for help or direction." In April 1829 Joseph was joined by Oliver Cowdery as a replacement scribe for Martin Harris.  The pace of the transcription increased dramatically so that within two months nearly the entire remainder of the manuscript of the Book of Mormon was completed.

Joseph did not retranslate the material that Martin Harris had lost because he said that if he did, evil men would alter the manuscript in an effort to discredit him. Instead Joseph had been divinely ordered to replace the lost material with Nephi's account of the same events. When Joseph reached the end of the book, he was told that God had foreseen the loss of the early manuscript and had prepared the same history in an abridged format that emphasized religious history, the "Small Plates of Nephi."

A comforting thought in this sea of despair is that our Savior is well aware of the end from the beginning. He will always provide another way. He did with the lost 116 pages of the Book of Mormon. He will with us when we fall and need to be picked back up.

My life has been planned out for me perfectly for the last three years. Due to my own agency and the need for justice and mercy, I've become injured and required to wait while I heal. I'm not going to be able to do things as I've planned. I know the Lord will provide another way, given I pay attention this time.

I'm having the hardest time forgiving myself. The ironic thing: I am forgiven, I know that. But I don't see how I can truly be forgiven or be washed away of things I've done. If I let myself dwell in my thoughts, they perpetuate and I focus on how how much I hate myself or how stupid I am. I don't see how anyone could love or want anything to do with me.

Trying to truly believe and apply the following:

It was unthinkable, impossible, unfathomable, unprecedented. A single act that changed history, possibility, destiny. He was a carpenter, a teacher, an outcast, a leader. Yet he did what no carpenter, teacher, outcast, leader had ever done. Like all who preceded him, he lived, and he died. But unlike all who preceded him, he rose from the dead, he lived again. He lives and because he lives, you, you, and you, and she, and he, and they, and we all will live again. Because of him death has no sting, the grave no victory. We can start again, and again, and again. Because of him, guilt becomes peace, regret becomes relief, despair becomes hope. Because of him, we have second chances, clean slates, new beginnings. There is no such thing as the end because of him.

Love,

D-Todd

Running

Runaway Bride is a 1999 film starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Maggie (Julia Roberts) has left so many prospective husbands at the altar that she has gained notoriety as "the Runaway Bride," and a reporter, Ike Graham (Richard Gere) is assigned to write a story about her. He tracks her down to a small town in Maryland where she's spending time with her family and preparing to give marriage another try. However, the more time she spends with Ike, the more second thoughts she has about her fiancé Bob.

In the midst of the wedding rehearsal, Bob tries to help Maggie deal with her wedding anxieties by walking her down the aisle with Ike standing in as the groom. After Bob gets her to the altar, Ike and Maggie share a passionate kiss and admit their feelings for one another, to Bob's chagrin. As a result, he punches Ike in the face before storming out of the church. Soon after, Ike proposes that he and Maggie get married since the wedding is already set to take place. But on the day of the wedding, Maggie gets cold feet, and leaves Ike standing at the altar. Ike chases after her but she hitches a ride on a FedEx truck and gets away.

Later, we see Ike living in New York and Maggie trying to discover herself, trying different types of eggs, and putting her lighting designs up for sale in New York. She shows up unexpectedly at Ike's apartment one night where he finds her making friends with his cat, Italics. Maggie then explains that she had been running because every other guy she was engaged to was only engaged to the idea she had created for them rather than the real her, but with Ike she ran because, even though he truly understood her, she didn't understand herself. She "turns in" her running shoes just before proposing to Ike. The two are married in a private ceremony outside, on a hill, avoiding the big ceremonies that Maggie notes she never actually liked.

It's time for me to hang up my metaphorical running shoes. It's time to stop running and confront myself, and truly understand myself. 

For a long time now I've been running from certain things in my life because I was afraid. I was afraid of judgement, I was afraid of getting into trouble, I was afraid of admitting things to myself.

When you run from something, you don't pay much attention to where you are going. You just know that you want to get as far away as fast as you can. You fall in mud, scrape yourself up, you're clumsy and leave tracks behind so that whatever is following you will eventually catch up with you. 

In Mormon 5:8 it states: "All things which are hid must be revealed upon the house-tops.”

Past choices in my life have surfaced today in a way that I would describe as my own personal Calvary. It's been very much a "Friday."

I don't know what lies ahead of me, but I do know that I must be an adult. I'm not proud of my actions. I'm embarrassed and ashamed to say the least. I've spent a large part of today ugly crying. My head hurts so bad. BUT, I must accept the consequences of my actions with my head held high. 

Paul taught that “godly sorrow” is required if true repentance is to take place (2 Corinthians 7:10).

President Ezra Taft Benson said“It is not uncommon to find men and women in the world who feel remorse for the things they do wrong. Sometimes this is because their actions cause them or loved ones great sorrow and misery. Sometimes their sorrow is caused because they are caught and punished for their actions. Such worldly feelings do not constitute ‘godly sorrow’ (2 Corinthians 7:10). Godly sorrow is a gift of the Spirit. It is a deep realization that our actions have offended our Father and our God. It is the sharp and keen awareness that our behavior caused the Savior, He who knew no sin, even the greatest of all, to endure agony and suffering. Our sins caused Him to bleed at every pore. This very real mental and spiritual anguish is what the scriptures refer to as having ‘a broken heart and contrite spirit’ (D&C 20:37). Such a spirit is the absolute prerequisite for true repentance.”

I honestly don't know why I'm writing this publicly on my blog. More than anything I guess I want people to know that I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I struggle with so many things. I hope that someone is able to glean something from this and it is able to help them. 

"My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me. It has only strengthened me." - Steve Maraboli

To anyone out there experiencing their own struggles and demons, I can testify to you that my Sunday morning will come, and so will yours.

Love,

D-Todd