Friday, October 24, 2014

When Your Best Friend Divorces You

A handful of individuals are lucky enough to have the same best friend from the time they were born. They make it through the perilous adolescent years together and young adulthood. Then they're pretty much guaranteed to be the two old grandpas sitting on the porch in their rockers in Secondhand Lions. The rest of humanity experiences friendship in a less organic way, usually through work, school, or church. 

My family has spent the majority of my life moving around the United States. I've called three different places home over the last two years. Because of this, my interpersonal relationships/friendships have been developed in the less organic way. In my experience, said friendships are much more difficult to maintain and tend to fall apart as time goes on. Not that it's all been completely depressing, I had the rare (and surreal) experience of speaking to someone from midnight to five in the morning - who I had just met the same day. We connected instantly, and it felt like catching up with a friend you hadn't seen in forever.

But what happens if you lose them? We're all prepared to have some type of romantic relationship fail (excluding marriage). But when it comes to divorcing your best friend, your world as you know it falls apart.

It's unexpected.

A romantic relationship usually has a multitude of warning signs that things are coming to an end. Most people are able to spot the iceberg before it hits the Titanic and they jump ship. A friendship dissolved is as sudden and traumatic as a car accident. Everything was going fine and then suddenly all is wrong and turned upside down. What you once had is gone, and a lot of time there's not a real reason for it. 

It leaves you feeling vulnerable & exposed.

I do not know anyone who isn't married, who is as candid with their significant other as they are with their best friend. Best friends share everything, every beautiful, ugly, private, painful, wonderful thing. When that trust is ruined, that friendship dissolved, one can feel like they are suddenly and overwhelmingly transparent to the world.

There's no uplifting quote.

Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest are littered with uplifting quotes such as "There's plenty of other fish in the sea," "If you can't handle my worst...," etc. These are great and all for your average middle school girl attempting to get over her crush breaking her heart. But nothing is available for comfort when you lose your best friend; it just sucks.

Your constant is gone.

Life changes. College, marriage, careers, babies. Weight fluctuates, hair is lost. Everything around you may constantly be spinning, but your best friend was always there for you. When you have this... this best friend who knows literally anything and everything about you. You can do and say whatever in front of them and they hold no judgement. You share this way of speaking to each other without words. You can talk forever about nothing. You send snapchats of the ugliest face you can muster. You have entire conversations in movie quotes. Cuddling is always an option. You embrace their crazy, they embrace yours. 

There's no one there to help you get through it.

When you break up with someone, who is the first person you usually go to? Your best friend. They break open the ice cream with you, or plot out a Carrie Underwood style form of revenge. When you break up with your best friend, who do you go to?