I've had an interesting week to say the least. Without going into details, I've gone from feeling sorry for myself, to completely hating myself, to re-learning to forget myself. Let me explain:
I made the decision long ago to go into healthcare because of my fascination with the human body, the draw of a comfortable income, and more so the opportunity to care for others, to give all I have to heal and better their lives.
I've been experiencing some very difficult things personally, mentally, and spiritually. That makes me no different than anyone else, we all experience the thorns of life. But for one reason or another, I've felt that my thorns have been bigger, worse, more difficult than everyone else's. It's caused me to make foolish decisions, as well as hurt those I'm closest to.
I haven't been behaving like an aspiring caregiver in the least. I've been behaving like a child, a very selfish child. I know for myself, when I'm feeling selfish, I tend to ignore contact from those who I'm closest to because I'm angry and want them to know that and feel bad about it. I'm sure all of us do that to some degree or another, focus on ourself and our problems and end up ignoring or dismissing those around us.
I received a call tonight from a friend, a friend that doesn't regularly call me. This friend trusted me and counted on me to answer that phone. This friend needed my help and care, and by simply answering the phone (in turn forgetting about myself and my problems) very well may have saved this friend's life. I've dedicated the rest of my night to being with this friend and getting them the help they need. My doctor instincts took over and went on autopilot. Like my mission, I forgot myself and went to work. I felt more happiness, more satisfaction, more peace in talking to and seeking the appropriate care for my friend than I've had in the last couple of weeks feeling sorry for myself.
How often could I have looked outside myself, answered that phone call even if it's not convenient for me or I'm not feeling up to it? How many times have I missed someone who needed my help because I was so focused inwardly on my problems?
Life is gonna be hard, and difficult times are guaranteed to come. But if I've learned anything tonight, it's that forgetting myself in my times of hardship and turning to others brings happiness and comfort that can't be found mourning in my own trials.
Please to anyone who reads this, if you need help, ask for it. Ask from someone you trust. You can even talk to me. You're not alone.