He Is Aware

On June 5, 2002, fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart, the daughter of a close-knit Mormon family, was taken from her home in the middle of the night by religious fanatic, Brian David Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee. She was kept chained, dressed in disguise, repeatedly raped, and told she and her family would be killed if she tried to escape. After her rescue on March 12, 2003, she rejoined her family and worked to pick up the pieces of her life.

In her recently published memoir, MY STORY, Smart explains how her faith helped her stay sane in the midst of a nightmare and how she found the strength to confront her captors at their trial and see that justice was served.

She shares one such experience of faith in the chapter titled Cold Water.

"I'm not sure how long it was into my captivity. More than a couple weeks, but not quite a month, I guess. We had gone a long time without going down to the stream to get any water. Maybe Mitchell was just lazy, but I didn't think that was the reason. I think something may have spooked him, causing him to be afraid to go down to the spring. Maybe he was worried that someone had become suspicious of him on one of his trips into the city. He might have seen someone down in the canyon. I don't know what it was, all I knew was that I was thirsty.

"Down in the valley, the search efforts were still under way. Though weeks had now passed, my parents were working hard to keep the story of my kidnapping in the press. They knew it was vital to make sure that people were still aware, to keep the search efforts going and my picture in the news. From what Mitchell had told me, my posters were still up everywhere. The first time Mitchell had seen these posters, it had made him very proud, but I don't think he expected the search efforts to keep going for so long. And though he tried to hide it, I could see that he was worried.

"Which meant that we weren't getting any water until he was certain it was safe to head down to the spring.

"Mitchell started to ration what little water we had left, but eventually we reached the point where we only had a few cups remaining in the bottom of one of the plastic containers. Mitchell drank, then poured a cup for Barzee, then poured the last few drops for me. Though it didn't even fill my cup, I drank it eagerly. The water was warm, having been sitting in the sun, and it tasted like melted plastic. I drank it in one gulp, then put the cup down.

"And that was it. The water was gone.

"I stared at the other water containers, but I knew they were empty. We had checked them several times already, taking off the lids and pouring out the last few drops. Still, Mitchell went over to shake them just to make sure that they were empty. He could do that all he wanted. There was no water in the camp.

"It was the end of June deep into the boiling days of summer. Utah is a desert, and it had not rained since the first week that I was captured. Temperatures hovered in the nineties, sometimes reaching above a hundred. A hot wind blew every afternoon, drying us like leather. My skin was dry, my throat, my eyes. I was so dirty and so thirsty that I thought I would die.

"After the sun had gone down we sat around for a while to savor the cooler temperatures, but eventually we went to bed. I was always the first to crawl into the tent. Mitchell came in beside me, then Barzee beside him. Before we went to sleep, he always checked my cable to make sure it was secure.

"Surely he'll go down to get water in the morning, I thought as we settled down in bed. It was the only thing that I could think of as I drifted off to sleep.

"The night was long and restless. Morning came. Mitchell didn't say anything about going down to the spring. I asked him, but he refused to talk to me about it.

"All day we sat and cooked in the summer heat. Mitchell checked the water containers once again, but all of them were dry. I had thought that being hungry was difficult, but it was nothing compared to this. Nothing compared to the burning in my throat. Nothing compared to the drive to find something to drink. And I wasn't alone. Barzee and Mitchell felt it too. I could see it in their eyes. I could hear it in the dryness of their voices. Whatever had driven Mitchell to stay away from the bottom of the canyon must have been very powerful indeed.

"The day dragged on. Hot. Miserable. Dry desert heat. I was beginning to lose my energy. None of us wanted to eat. I begged Mitchell again to go down and get some water. I begged him to let me off the cable. I offered to carry the containers if he was too tired to carry them himself. I tried to understand why he wouldn't go, but none of it made sense.

"Evening came. We went to bed. I fell into a restless sleep.

I was awakened in the middle of the night. Sitting up, I looked around. The moonlight filtered through the nylon fabric, casting the inside of the tent in a pale, yellow light. Mitchell was asleep beside me. Barzee was lying next to him. Both of them were breathing deeply, Mitchell's throat rattling with every breath. I looked around in the moonlight. Something had wakened me. Turning, I looked toward the front of the tent.

"There was a yellow cup sitting beside my pillow. I leaned toward it, checking it in the moonlight. It was filled to the very brim with water. I stared at it a moment, not believing it was real. I reach out to touch it. The cup was cold. I pulled my hand back and looked around. Was I dreaming? Was I crazy? I quickly turned to Mitchell and Barzee. Neither of them had moved. I listened. A gentle breeze blew through the tops of the trees, swaying in the night. I turned back to the water. Slowly, I reached out to touch it once again. It was cold as ice and filled to the top.

"I picked it up and drank it. The water cooled my throat and filled my stomach. It was cold and clear and wonderful, the best-tasting water that I had ever had.

"After drinking, I stared at the empty cup for a long time before laying my head back to the ground.

"Where did the water come from? I had no explanation other than the water came from God. I know we didn't have a drop of water in the camp. I know that neither Mitchell nor Barzee would have wakened to give me any water, even if they had any left to give. And this water was fresh and cold, like it had just come from the spring.

"I never told them about the water. I never talked about it at all. But over the next few days, I thought a lot about what had happened. Why did God do it? How did it happen? What was God trying to say?

"Would I have died without the water? Certainly not. As thirsty as I felt, and as terrible as it was, I was not teetering on the eye of a life-or-death situation. And I was not alone. Mitchell and Barzee needed water too. Mitchell wasn't going to stay up the mountain and let us all die of thirst. Eventually he would have had to go down to the stream.

"So why did God send me the water?

"Because He loved me. And He wanted me to know.

"He wanted me to know that He was still near. He wanted me to know that He controlled the Earth and all the heavens, that all things were in His hands. And if He could move mountains, then He could do this thing for me. To Him it was a small thing-a terribly easy thing to do-but for me it was powerful as if He had parted the sea.

"This experience reminded me once again that God had not deserted me, that He was aware of my suffering and loneliness. And that assurance gave me hope. It helped me to keep my faith and gave me the strength that I needed to go on.

"It also gave me something else to think about.

"At the time, I had pretty much conceded that Mitchell might kill me. And if he didn't kill me, then I was condemned to a life of suffering and captivity. But the appearance of the water seemed to indicate that God had another plan. It told me that the fight for freedom wasn't over. God knew the end from the beginning and there was still hope for me.

"In my life, I have come to believe there are lots of examples where God provides us little miracles to give us hope. Most for these experiences are not as obvious as waking up and finding a cup of water. Some of them are much more subtle. We may even have to look for His miracles along the way. But they are there. And they're important when we are struggling with the challenging battles of this life."

(Smart, Elizabeth. (2013). My Story. New York, New York. St. Martin's Press)

President Thomas S. Monson said:

“Wherever we are in life, there are times when all of us have challenges and struggles. Although they are different for each, they are common to all.

“Many of the challenges we face exist because we live in this mortal world, populated by all manner of individuals. At times we ask in desperation, ‘How can I keep my sights firmly fixed on the celestial as I navigate through this telestial world?’

“There will be times when you will walk a path strewn with thorns and marked by struggle. There may be times when you feel detached—even isolated—from the Giver of every good gift. You worry that you walk alone. Fear replaces faith.”

Casey and I were having a conversation over the phone a couple days ago about life and the trials that each person is given. We both felt that it was a common thing for people, especially in LDS culture, to say that everyone has trials, they're just different. 

We both felt that though that may be true, it seems to us that not everyone was given the same level of challenging battles in this life. Casey expressed that it seemed like there were many that just seemed to have it all while others were struggling to get through each day.

The hard fact of the matter is that life is NOT fair. Even within my close circle of family and friends, there are many trials given that I feel are much more than one person should have to suffer.

It can be so frustrating and honestly easy to find anger with God when we become so impatient hearing others tell us to "just hang in there" or "endure to the end."

I know I'm not the only one who often seeks for instant gratification because I'm sick of waiting and sick of being told that "in the eternities it will be made right."

Casey best summarized it as your entire body being on fire. Having someone notice and tell you that if you can just hang in there, a year from now the fire will be extinguished when all you want and all you need is a bucket of water then and there to relieve your pain and suffering.

Ether 12:27 tells us "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I want you to imagine what it would be like if you had no weakness. If you were completely perfect in every aspect of your life. If you were perfect physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, academically. Would you have a reason to fall on your knees? Would you have a reason for the grace of God to play a role in your life? It has always been necessary for man to fall so that we could experience joy and eternal happiness.

The prophet Lehi explained:

“And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen [been cut off from the presence of God], but he would have remained in the Garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created. …

“And they would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

“But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:22–25).

Had Adam and Eve not partaken of the fruit, man would have never fallen. We would have never been given mortal bodies and the opportunity to progress eternally and become like our Heavenly Father. We would be spiritually damned, unable to move forward. 

Had mankind not become mortal, we would not know heartache and pain, but we would also not know happiness and love. This has been the plan all along.

President Monson has told us that "We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask. We have the promise: 'Pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good.'”

God knows the end from the beginning. He has a greater plan for all of us, greater than we know. He walks with us every single step of the way, carrying us a large majority of the time when we are too weak to continue on by our own two feet. 

Like Elizabeth, let us look for the cup of cold water in our lives. When life seems bleak, when it seems like happiness is no longer possible, let us look for the little miracles that remind us that God is there. That he is aware of us. That he loves us. That he wants us to keep fighting.

Love,

D-Todd

Living Water

I currently live in southeast Texas with my parents while I'm preparing for the next stage of my life. Southeast Texas is infamously flat. There's a saying 'round here that if you stand on one tuna can you can see halfway around the world. If you stand on two tuna cans you can see the back of your head.

Living in hurricane country and living on such flat land leads to issues of flooding. To prevent neighborhoods from being swallowed up by water, bayous are constructed throughout communities to allow water to drain to the ocean. The bayous become a beautiful and safe habitat for the many animals that call them home including birds, turtles, and even alligators.

A couple weeks ago my mother came home from walking our dogs and she asked me to come help her. A turtle had lost its way and wondered away from the bayou. It was on the sidewalk and not sure where to go.

I put trash bags over my hands to use as gloves and followed my mother out the door.

By the time we reached the turtle, he had pressed onward and was even further in the wrong direction away from the bayou. As I approached him, he fled into his shell and started urinating everywhere because he was so scared.

I picked him up in my hands and carried him down the street, down the embankment of the bayou, and then set him in the water.

The next day my mother saw the turtle swimming around happily in the water - back to where he was supposed to be.

Just as that turtle needed to live in water in order to survive, we must partake of Christ's living water in order to survive.

Often we like the turtle wonder away from what we know and become lost. We continue to push forward thinking we are going in the right direction towards where we think we need to be, while in actuality we are removing ourselves even further from our source of living water.

As imperfect and mortal beings we think we know what we need to do and we will do it. We have our lives planned out exactly how we want and that's how it's going to be.

What we don't realize is the Master sees from beginning to end. He knows that we are lost even if we don't. He knows about the end of the sidewalk and dangers of crossing the street and getting run over by a car. He knows where the living water is and knows that we need it in order to live. He knows that we need to be picked up. He knows that it is scary and it will be hard, but it is necessary.

“Do you wish to partake of this living water [spoken of in John 4:14] and experience that divine well springing up within you to everlasting life?

“Then be not afraid. Believe with all your hearts. Develop an unshakable faith in the Son of God. Let your hearts reach out in earnest prayer. Fill your minds with knowledge of Him. Forsake your weaknesses. Walk in holiness and harmony with the commandments.

“Drink deeply of the living waters of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin (1917–2008) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Abundant Life,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2006, 100.

Motivational speaker Meg Johnson shares her experience with being led by Heavenly Father to where she needed to be:

"Before I was paralyzed and before lots of stuff happened... I've been married for three years, it will be three years in February. Before I got married and before I was paralyzed and before I graduated college, I was an intern at Walt Disney World in Florida. I was a Space Ranger. I saluted children and I let them on rides... it was a very glorified Lagoon job. And I got college credit. It is the most ingenuis business practice ever. That's how Disney World keeps all their happy employees happy, cause nobody makes it out of Disney World making any money. You just have all these college credits and things under your belt and Disney World is like 'hehe sucker.' But it is so exciting!

"Most people down there are on an internship, they're on the college program is what they call it. And that's what I was doing. And it was exciting! And while I was there I had a really wonderful romantic and magical romance with a roller-blading custodian. And he was so cute and awesome and he wanted to date me! He wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him oh my gosh! But Heavenly Father was saying no. I mean this kid had proposed in front of the temple! He was good! And cute! But Heavenly Father was saying "No Meg, don't marry him, this is not for you." But I couldn't see any reason for that at all! I mean at all! 

"So I just kept the ring and we stayed engaged and I was like 'Oh my gosh! Why is Heavenly Father saying no? Doesn't he know? Heavenly Father do you see I wanna marry him! Him! Are you seeing him? Do you see how cute he is? How awesome? He's a roller-blading custodian!'

"But Heavenly Father was saying no and so my internship was ending and so was his. I was gonna go back home to Utah and he was gonna go back home to Massachusetts, but I didn't want to break up with him and so I changed my prayer from 'Should I marry him?' to 'Should I move to Massachusetts when my internship is over?' See I'm tricky, I'm going to trick Heavenly Father. I was hoping that I could move there and get and apartment and get a job, go to school, he and I could still continue to date and then get married later. That was my plan, we would get married later.

"So I started to pray 'Heavenly Father, (you know how we talk sweetly when we want something?) when my internship ends in a couple of weeks should I move to Massachusetts? Yes yes yes! Wink wink. Or should I move back home to Utah?'

"And one day I was praying for the same thing at an outside picnic table and I had the scriptures laid open on the picnic table in front of me. I folded my arms and bowed my head and put on my Bambi eyes and my sweet voice 'Heavenly Father, when my internship ends should I move to Massachusetts? Or should I move back home to Utah?'

"And I'm not even kidding, while I was praying a big wind came and it fluttered my scripture pages. And I opened my eyes and I was like 'Ahhh!!! That was so a celestial breeze!' and I just knew that my answer was gonna be right there on those pages because my scriptures had opened in between two bookmarks. You know how its easy to open up to a bookmark? But less easy to open up inbetween  two bookmarks? Yeah! Oh yeah!

"And I looked down into my scriptures and it had opened to Isaiah. And I looked down and this is what I read: 'And every man turned to his own people and flee everyone into his own land.' 

"But that wasn't the answer I wanted! So like a foolish child I started to talk myself out of it. I was like 'Well it's not really a celestial breeze. More like a telestial breeze! And this is in Isaiah! Who even knows what Isaiah is talking about? Nobody! That's who!'

"And so I flipped my Book of Mormon open and I flipped my Bible closed. I flipped my BOOK OF MORMON, BOOK OF MORMON where REAL answers come from. And I go to my bookmark where I'm reading and this is what I read: 'And every man turned to his own people and flee everyone into his own land.'

"And so I went back home to Utah and I didn't marry that guy. And I am so glad. I am so glad that Heavenly Father knew that I didn't want to marry him even though I didn't know that at the time.

"When I was engaged to my husband almost three years ago, it was just a few days before we were married and ever since I've been paralyzed, I started marking up my scripture pages with a big fat giant lime green Crayola marker. And that's how I was marking up my scripture pages. And I was reading my scriptures on my bed and I flipped open my scriptures and I saw these big giant lime green markings on the scripture page and I immediately had a flashback to a dream I had while I was engaged in Florida.

"In this dream I had opened up my scriptures and I had seen these big lime green markings on my pages. And I had looked up above my scriptures and I saw two guys standing in the air. And one was the boy in Florida that I was engaged to and was going to marry and I was engaged to him at this time. But then I saw somebody right next to him and I didn't recognize him but I really wanted to marry him. But I was marrying him (the guy from Florida). And when I had the flashback to that dream just a few days before I was married, I opened up my scriptures and I saw those green markings and I looked up and saw those same two guys standing in the air. And one was my ex-fiance from Florida and the other was my husband.

"Heavenly Father knows what we want. And he knows what will make us the most happy. And so when he tells us no, it's not because he's trying to be mean or because he's always trying to test our faith. He's trying to help us get the most we can out of this life. So that we can accomplish our purposes in this life. And we need to be obedient when he says no. 

"Breaking off the first engagement that I had was probably the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life. Harder than being paralyzed, harder than relearning how to breathe, harder than relearning how to drive, harder than social situations in a wheelchair. It was the hardest thing because I could see no reason for it. I could see no reason why I should break up with him. All I knew is that Heavenly Father wanted me to and that was it. And it was an awkward hard long break up that I am so glad that I went through, and I would do it again to marry my husband. I love him so much."

Living water is a symbol of the Lord Jesus Christ and his teachings. As water is essential to sustain physical life, the Savior and his teachings (living water) are essential for eternal life.

Heavenly Father's ways are not our own. I can't even begin to tell you how hard life can be. I don't know why things we plan don't work out, or why everything seems to go wrong that can go wrong. 

But I do know there is purpose in all things. I know that Heavenly Father wants us all to be happy. We must go through hard things to get to the happiness.

"With joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation." (Isaiah 12:3)

Love,

D-Todd

Ye Are The Light Of The World

I grew up in the small town of Kennewick, WA. Kennewick has a population of 75,000 and is part of the Tri-Cities metropolitan area of roughly 250,000. For being outside of the Book of Mormon Belt (Idaho-Utah-Arizona), it has a large Mormon population. The population is so big, that all the high schools in the area have release time seminary with actual seminary buildings.

Lacking the many options provided by larger communities, most activities or outings were social events that the majority of the community attended. Football is huge. Every Friday and Saturday night growing up I remember going to the games and cheering on our team with the rest of my family and friends. Games were always a community event, so I would frequently see teachers from school, classmates, and people from my ward.

Living in a small town with a close knit Mormon community, people always tended to be up in each other's businesses. Whenever I was with a girl or group of friends at one of these football games, a member of my ward or community would see and make a comment sometime later to my mother or to me. It wouldn't be "Oh hey I saw David at the football game," it would be more along the lines of wondering who I was with and why was I with them.

A lot of these people I had known since I was in grade school and it bothered me that I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without people making comments or expressing their opinion. I felt my privacy was often invaded, I didn't understand why people were so fascinated by me.

Post high school, Facebook really took off. At 18, I was a rebel without a cause and didn't understand that Facebook was not a place to share every detail of my life and every emotion that I was ever feeling. I specifically remember my friend's mother telling me she always knew what was going on in my day and what emotion I was thinking. (FYI, there is such a thing as over-sharing).

My freshmen year of high school I began seminary. We were required each year of seminary to memorize 25 Scripture Mastery scriptures. Freshmen year we studied the New Testament. The very first scripture I ever learned was Matthew 5: My Light's Alive (Matthew 5:14-16).

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

Let your alight so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

It took me a long time to figure out that I am different. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am one of the noble birthright. Born into this generation purposely in a time of the fullness of the gospel. I have been born into the covenant. I have received both priesthoods. I have been endowed in the temple. I am an example to the world, whether I like it or not.

President Thomas S. Monson once said "I leave with you a code of conduct to guide your footsteps safely through mortality and to the celestial kingdom of our Heavenly Father. I have divided my code of conduct into four parts:

"You have a heritage; honor it.

You will meet temptation; withstand it.

You know the truth; live it.

You possess a testimony; share it."

What I didn't understand growing up is I was watched by so many people because of who I was. I am an example. I am supposed to a "light" to the world. This world is extremely covered in darkness, light is needed all that much more. 

I may not have generated a ton of likes or comments on my negative or angst-ridden posts when I was 18, but they were seen. People watch whether they say anything or not.

The very first post on my blog received over 300 views in 24 hours. I say this not to brag but to make people aware.

 “Just so you know it's not only Ally you motivated. I have been working out since after Matthew but over the past month watching your posts you inspired me to kick it up a notch. I have lost those last baby pounds.  I wore a skirt to church Dan bought me when we were engaged. Thank you for the inspiration even when I was tired I knew you were doing it so I got up and did it too. You’re awesome!  Love you!” 

“I love your posts so much!”

“For real David Todd Hanna I love everything you post!!! So positive and inspiring, don’t stop, you never know who you could be influencing for the better... like me!” 

"I enjoyed reading your new blog. Keep writing!"

“It is incredible to watch you support and stand up for what you believe in even though you are going through such emotional turmoil. I don't know what I am really saying all together... but you are my hero.” 

It took me till a year after my mission to realize that happiness is a choice and a way of life. People will care more and be uplifted if you are happy, positive, and optimistic. I still have my bad days, but I (usually) don't take to Facebook to rant about them and further spread negativity. I try to exude happiness and laughter whether that be on Facebook or life in general. In uplifts people, it makes me feel better about myself, and it's just a better way to live life. 

The Savior lived his life through meekness, charity, and example. That is something that we should all be doing, something that I am trying to do. 

Remember who you are. Remember the example you set. You are different.

Love,

D-Todd